At 11 months old and age seemed to be the major factor in Penny's ability to learn faster.
I'm not saying that our patience and consistency in trying to train her didn't help.
But, it seems, her awareness and learning abilities didn't really start developing until she was many
months older than the 'wonder dogs' that set the puppy learning curve milestones.

my puppy has zero tolerance for petting or sitting in laps:
     Penny was 8 weeks old when she came to live with us...
Even though her previous owner played with & petted the Mom & 2 puppies,
We couldn't hold, hug or pet Penny (unless we were in the truck going for a ride).
She had zero tolerance for us petting her or sitting in our laps.
      I didn't find much help on the net or in the dogs books for this particular situation.
When she was about 12 or so weeks old, I got to thinking about my Dad and how
he could gain a dogs undying affection within 24 hours of their first meeting.
I discussed with several family members about Dad's special gift for animals.  We all
came to the conclusion that he had a 'gift' for animals to love him.
     The one thing I kept remembering was how he would pet animals and so we decided to
try 'nano-steps' of petting with Penny and see if she would respond positively.
     We'd give her a yummy chew bone, set her next to us, then started petting her at
her hips and worked our way up to her ears.
     It took a month to be able to pet her without her attacking us or pulling away.
It took awhile longer to be able to touch her face, and even longer to be able to get
things from inside her vice like jaws (coincidentally, us needing to do this started at
the same time she discovered how to rip paper to shreds to try to make snack of it.)
     We also spent a great deal of time hand feeding her one morsel of food at a time, because
not only did it help to teach her to sit, but we were able to pet her during feeding.
     Bless her heart, the only true redemptive quality that she had was taking food carefully from
our hands. (Well, that and she so cute and such a clown.)
     As for holding her in our laps, well, that didn't happen until she was many months older
after she had gained up to 30+ pounds and was more than a lap full.
     Now, at 50+ pounds, she has no problems trying to sit in our laps (although most of her is 
on the sofa and chair at the same time)

my puppy is jumping & nipping at anyone lying down:
     When Penny was in her early months of life, she absolutely couldn't behave if we laid down
in bed, on the floor, or on the sofa. She would desperately struggle to jump all over us and
nip constantly at our ears and hair. No amount of 'yelps', 'ignoring' nor 'time outs' could
cease this behavior.
     So, one day, after spending another day desperately searching the net for help and re-reading
my dog books to no avail, I came up with my own plan of action.
     I knew eventually, Penny would have to be around humans lying down...   So, I set her on our 
bed with some toys and a chew bone, I then laid down under the cover and covered myself with 
the comforter from head to toe.
     She automatically began to pull & tug at my head area and I would say "No" in a firm voice
almost a harsh hateful voice and I kept the cover tight about me.
     After 5 or so minutes, she began to tire of not being able to get to me and then focused on her
toys, when she began playing & chewing with them,
     I slowly stuck my head out from under the cover, she immediately dove for me and I dodged
her and said "No" and put a stuffed toy to her mouth which she grabbed it and then got lots of
'good girl praise' and then she'd drop the toy and dive back towards my face.
     We went through this over and over,  for the better part of a half hour. Finally, she laid down 
and started chewing on a toy.
     I stayed there with her for 2 hours (I know for sure, I watched the clock) once or twice every
fifteen minutes or so, we'd go through her dive for my face and my dodge-no & stuffed toy in
her mouth, she'd take the toy and then get  lots 'good girl praise'.
     We did this every day, for about a week, she no longer dove nipping at my face. That's
when she started giving what we call 'nose kisses' well, it was more of a 'nose punch' but as
long as she didn't bite when she pressed her nose to us then we considered it a positive thing.

     After that week of training, we pretty much could lie down anywhere and Penny didn't attack
us anymore.  Now that she's grown, she sleeps peacefully lying next to us. 

my puppy is taking months to stop nipping:
     Before Penny, I never knew that it could take so long to stop a puppy from nipping.
We tried everything humane to stop her.
We kept our faces away from her mouth.
Sadly, we had to stop playing tug of war with her.
     Every spare moment, I was surfing the net & reading books on how to stop her nipping.
She seemed not to care if we yelped or if she hurt us.  It was if her teething hurt her so bad,
that she couldn't focus on anything but soothing the ache.
She would nip us bloody and paid no attention to anything we tried to make her stop.
     Everyday, we struggled and tried consistently to break her of nipping on us (I cried).
We even spoke with the vet more than a few times about her, he said she'd be "fine" and told
us to keep a big supply of chew toys and to keep trying to train her to stop.
     So, there we were, 2 worried parents, dealing with our special child that showed no
recognition of us, yet everyday, we patiently continued on with our trials and efforts.
(These were absolutely exhausting months and yes it was months.)
     Penny continued on, and started loosing teeth. Her need to chew slacked off some and as she
grew and became older, miraculously, one day, she started paying attention to us and seemed
sad if she hurt us or if we ignored her.
     Victory at last!!!
The nipping got less and less, turning into a mouthing then she stopped.

my puppy is taking months and months to potty train:
    Of course there's also the wondrous joys of housebreaking...
Before Penny, I never knew that it could take so long to house train a puppy.
We've been real lucky that she never pottied in her crate.   I assure you, that we  followed the 
crate & house training rules and Penny still wasn't 100% until after she was about 18 months old.
     I can honestly say that during of her entir life with us, when she is awake, she has been
outside at least once every hour (and when she was a wee pup, she was outside every 20
to 30 minutes.)
     We reward her for being productive (especially if she asks to go out)
Ringing bells, barks, & telepathy is her ways (sometimes it's tough to decipher her telepathy.)
     We think she can't separate in her mind that it's okay to bark to go outside but it's not okay to
bark continuously at a visitor or our neighbors, (so she rarely barks to go out).
We never punished her for pottying in the house.
We take her right outside when we catch her in the act.
At 11 months, Penny didn't poop in the house anymore, but she didn't mind taking a tinkle inside every
day or so. It grews less with time... 
     According to Penny's she was quite healthy.  Personally, we think Penny's bloodlines & age were 
the reigning factors with her slowness to house train.
     Penny is 3+ years old now and she rings the bells to go out to take care of her biological business,
but if she barks and runs to the door, you can bet that someone or something is outside.

my puppy jumps up on people to greet them:
     And we mustn't forget the social skills that puppies need to learn.
     We have had a jolly good time trying to teach Penny not to jump up on people.
When she'd first see someone, she'd get so excited that she'd just fall apart trying desperately
to get them to pet her and play with her.   She absolutely wouldn't stop and we had to keep her on 
a leash constantly or we would crate her or baby gate her in a room by herself, when we had visitors.
     Time passed, Penny got older and then she changed.
     She stills gets excited at visitors, but only jumps up on the people who allow it, but not with the same 
knock-down force as before.  And never does she jump up on children.
     She calms down after 5 or 10 minutes and we don't have to put her in her crate
or in a gated room away from visitors. (I still put her on a leash for the first 10 or 15 minutes
when we have visitors.)
   

my puppy jumps or rears up on the kitchen cabinets:
Penny also has a thing about rearing up on the kitchen cabinets.
We tell her "No" and move her away and say "off".
We've spent a lot of time washing ours hands because of this.
However, as time has passed, Penny is getting where she only does this once or twice and
then sits patiently in the floor and watches us.   
At 3+ years old, she rarely does it now.

my puppy begs for human food:
About begging for food...
When Penny was younger, she would absolutely become overly jumpy when we humans
were eating.  We had to crate her during our mealtimes.
But time has passed and Penny is older now and apparently understands that she won't starve
to death if we don't share our food with her.  She doesn't beg continuously while we are eating.
Now mind you, when we first sit down at the table, Penny really gives it an 'all star' try at
begging us for bits of  food, however she stops after a minute or so.
We don't have to crate her at our mealtimes anymore.
And yes, we do give her bits of human food every now and then, but not every time.
If she barks or begs for a bite, we tell her to "hush" and ignore her.
Again, it seems that her being older has helped her mature enough mentally to learn to calm
down quicker and sit at our feet while we eat.